CONFOUND IT GRANGER!
by LeadingLadies9394
Summary: Inspiration was Someone that you're with by Nickelback, He was Draco sodding Malfoy thank you very much! DMHG Oneshot fluff, please review! Written by Leading


Lol, enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: Confound it! I don't own HARRY POTTER!

CONFOUND IT GRANGER!

Draco was not one to admit defeat. He had no problem whatsoever with people admitting defeat to him; but this, confound it, this was unacceptable! He, Draconis Malkovich Malfoy, was about to admit defeat and do the stupidest, yet most important thing he'd ever do.

He paced the walkway in front of the sickeningly cute, people-filled church. His mind was racing, and his heart was beating a mile-a-minute. She was in there, about to be promised to another man; waiting hopefully for Draco to burst through those solid oak doors any minute to proclaim his love for her, and to claim his prize. But there was one tiny problem, He just couldn't do it!

He was about a crash a wedding, proclaim his love to the most unlikely girl on the planet, and admit DEFEAT! Draco Malfoy was waging a loosing war on himself. He just couldn't do it.

Hermione took a peek through the heavy curtain dividing her from the rest of the small sanctuary. Her eyes scanned the crowd; He wasn't there.

WHY WASN'T HE THERE?!??!?!?! _I'm going to kill Draco Malfoy!! _She thought angrily. The wedding was about to start in 5 minutes. HE PROMISED FOR MERLIN'S SAKE!! She huffed angrily and turned to ask Ginny (her maid of honor) to help fasten her tiara to her hair. Soon, it was time.

The wedding party filed into the back room. The groomsmen turned down a hallway that would take them to the front of the sanctuary; while the bridesmaids and the bride turned into the back of the sanctuary, awaiting the music. Hermione was tapping her foot impatiently; her face had turned into a bitter frown. Mr. Granger took her face in his hands,

"Come now Darling, a bride should be happy thinking of her future! He's a wonderful man, you'll be very happy!" He offered comfortingly. Hermione just glowered.

Draco Malfoy was nervous. Of course he'd never admit it, but he was about to pee his pants he was so nervous.

A passing car, that was vibrating the fire hydrant because its music was so loud, didn't help. At first the mess of guitar confused Draco, but then he recognized the words. Suddenly, he didn't feel so nervous. She was HIS. Hermione Granger belonged to Draco Malfoy. And Draco doesn't share, especially not with bloody POTTER! He huffed indignantly. No scarred Pothead was going to take HIS girl away from him! CONFOUND IT! He was Draco sodding Malfoy thank you very much! Just who did Potter think he was? _Humph._ Draco would show him! Now, to wait for the opportune moment. But first, Draco really needed to pee.

10 Minutes later found Hermione walking slowly down the aisle towards the man that she really hoped she wouldn't have to marry: Harry James Potter. Hermione sighed to herself, why does she get herself in predicaments like these? I mean, she loves Harry, truly, but no more than a sister loves a brother. Sure he was a good man, a great man at that. He was tall, and sweet. He had a good heart and a sharp mind, but he just was NOT for Hermione. She needed a man, a real man. One who could protect her whenever she was in danger, one who would comfort her when she was in need, one who would make her laugh even at the most inappropriate times. Hermione Jane Granger needed Draco Malkovich Malfoy. She sighed again, yes, she was crazy. But in a strange way, Hermione knew she needed crazy in her life; she could get so boring sometimes.

She was at the altar, trying desperately not to meet Harry's searching eyes. This was it, she was about to break her best friend's heart… And she was, actually, ok with that.

"Marriage. We are gathered here today to celebrate Marriage." The priest said in a distinctly rounded voice. Hermione suppressed a giggle as she was reminded of the priest in Princess Bride,_ good times… _

Draco was panicking… No, he was beyond panicking. He had a grand total of about five minutes to gather what he was going to say, mentally prepare himself for this astounding feat, and actually go through with it. He had heard the sweet notes of the processional already, and he knew it was just a matter of time before the vows were to be spoken… Vows…_ wait a minute, when does one actually crash a ceremony? Is it when they give the vows? Or the 'forever hold your piece' bit? Or maybe during the kiss? GAAH!_ Now he was really panicking. Draco Malfoy could not for the life of him, remember which moment he was needed inside of the church. _Bollocks._

Draco had resigned himself to banging his head against the stone wall of the church, when he remembered. "Speak now, or forever hold your piece."

_BUGGER!_

Draco raced inside of the church, oak doors swinging grandly behind him. There was a murmur of panic throughout the church, and then silence.

"I OBJECT!" He said grandly, with one finger pointing in the air, as if to emphasize his point.

Hermione turned around slowly, her heart beating a thousand times faster than normal. _Can it be?_ She had nearly resigned herself to her fate, when she heard that heart-stopping revelation. Her eyes met Draco's; she had expected to see pride, anger, or even fear in those icy pools. Instead Hermione found the one thing that told her instantaneously this was where she belonged, Hermione found love.

"MALFOY?!" Harry's enraged voice filled the church. Hermione was jolted back down to reality, _crap._ She had forgotten about Harry… She turned and watched as Harry strode down the aisle angrily; Draco smirked.  
"Yes Potter, it's me. SURPRISE!" And he right-hooked Harry in the face, knocking him out for the time being.

"Draco!" Hermione shrieked, violence had SO not been anywhere in the agreement. Draco turned toward her from where he had been sneering down at Harry's face, with one foot on his chest in an 'intimidating' (cough cough) pose.

"DRACO MALFOY! WHERE IN MERLIN'S NAME HAVE YOU BEEN?! I HAVE BEEN WAITING AND WAITING AND WAITING FOR YOU!!! I ALMOST GOT MARRIED YOU KNOW?! IF YOU HAD WALKED IN ONE MINUTE LATER IT WOULD HAVE BEEN TOO LATE!" Hermione ranted, her face exploded into the color of tomato soup. Draco winced, blasted woman's temper. He glanced around carefully, shocked and angered by what he saw. PEOPLE WERE SNIGGERING! _Gasp _Nobody sniggers at Draco Malfoy! He'd just have to show them who wore the pants in this relationship! HA HA!  
"CONFOUND IT GRANGER!" He roared when she had paused for a breath, Hermione went white.

"DON'T YOU THINK THAT I KNEW THAT I ONLY HAD LIKE TWENTY-FIVE SECONDS? EXCUSE ME BUT I THINK THAT YOU SHOULD BE THANKING ME BECAUSE I SAVED YOUR SCRAWNY ARSE FROM THAT BLOODY POTTER! DON'T YOU YELL AT ME WOMAN! I WILL NOT TOLERATE THAT SORT OF INSOLENCE!" The wedding guests were snapping their necks back and forth watching the bride and the wedding crasher battle it out. Hermione was incensed now, how DARE he scream at HER on what was supposed to be THEIR wedding day? Hermione's face was absolutely white with lividness, except for the very tip of her nostrils which resembled the color of two very red fire engines.

"HOW DARE YOU?!" She shrieked, "HOW DARE YOU SCREAM AT ME ON MY WEDDING DAY? YOU KNOCKED HARRY OUT DRACO! THAT WASN'T IN THE AGREEMENT! MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE RESCUED ME! MAYBE I'D RATHER MARRY HARRY! AT LEAST HE HAD THE SENSE TO NOT YELL AT ME!!!!!!" She huffed and turned her face away. She heard Harry groan and she turned around back to see if he was ok.

"My head…" He moaned. Draco rolled his eyes, "Stuff it Potter!" He turned back to Hermione; she looked away once his eyes met hers. Draco exhaled deeply, rolling his eyes towards the ceiling; he muttered a small prayer and proceeded forth into the belly of the beast.

"Hermione, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I know this day has been stressful for you, but, confound it Granger, it's been hard for me too!" Hermione looked at him in surprise.

"I've been waiting, and waiting for this service to start, I've had to pee really badly, I forgot when I was supposed to even crash the wedding and all because I've been so incredibly excited to see the beautiful look on your face when you stood there with me at the altar instead of him. I love you Hermione Jane Granger, and nothing, not even my reputation can stop me from marrying you today. I am, after all, Draconis Malkovich Malfoy!" He smirked as he walked towards her, took her in his arms and planted a soft kiss on her lips. Hermione kissed him back playfully, and then pulled away, leaning her forehead against his. Draco moaned,

"Confound it Granger, those kisses always kill me!" She smiled and looked up at him,

"You're going to have to start getting used to calling me Malfoy now, you know," She informed him. Draco grinned,

"Let's go make that happen, Granger."

And they did.


End file.
